Hello all! It’s been awhile. Too long. I’ve missed ranting on my blog and having a jolly ol’ time. Haha. So get ready. Cause this one’s gonna be…a whirlpool of fun. Or terror. Mainly terror.
I have another fear, aside from escalators(hard to believe, I know). I’m even more afraid of this than escalators in fact. Yeah, it’s THAT serious. It’s…heights.
Ever since I was a wee lad, heights were not something I enjoyed being around. Ever. Being somewhere high and looking down…that’s like looking death in the face and waving. And whenever I’m by an edge or railing, I have an un-rational(I got a red squiggly line for that little hyphen set up, but I don’t think it knows I don’t care if that’s not right) fear that someone is going to push me over. Right? It’s not like I travel with people who wanna push me over railings. So heights and me…we’re like puzzle pieces from different puzzles. I’m from one of those six piece puzzles.. and Heights is from one of those epic 3,000,000,000 piece 3D puzzles that take 7 years and 3 months of sleepless nights to put together.
SO!…a few years ago, I found myself at a water park. Kalahari(YES!!! I spelled it right. Boss) to be exact. It’s in Ohio. If you haven’t been there, you probably don’t like water. Or have a way cooler one by you cause you’re so cool. Haha. Anyways, that’s where I was. It’s an indoor water park. And it was pretty cool. I like swimming. It’s chill. But at this water park, like all of em I’m sure, there was a ride. A water tunnel that you ride a giant donut(listen spell correct! I don’t spell it “doughnut”. Just no!) tube down. And we were going to ride it. And we had to climb a stairway that was like 100 steps up into the ceiling. You could not imagine my exuberant joy and anticipation at the moment we reached the top. As the four of us stood in line, I observed this massive tube. It had a dark entrance, similar to a cave, and then I could see that it went outside of the building and then down back into the building. How comforting.
Sooner then I had wished, it was our turn. So the employees put our giant donut tube in the area of the entrance and held it in the water as we positioned ourselves on the tube. I purposely put myself in the spot that was facing the tunnel. Cause going backwards…who does that?
The moment came…
We were moving towards the downfall…
I held my breath. “I can do this. I saw the people come out at the bottom. They weren’t bleeding to death.”
Almost there…. “Wait…what the heck? Oh crap…no…no…”
The tube started turning. And turning…till right before we went down the tunnel…my back was now turned to it.
Why me?? Of all the people that to happen too…me. NOT the person who has extreme bliss at the thought of going down backwards. The guy who is about to pee himself. Have you ever been on a roller coaster? You know how you go down one slope and your like butt off the seat free falling? Imagine that feeling except your going down a dark water filled tunnel. Backwards. At an angle that shouldn’t be legal. I was certain I was going to hit my head and die. Certain. My last thoughts were something like “Holy crap I’m gonna die. I’m such a baby for being scared right now. Everyone else is going ‘Woo hoo!’ But they’re not going backwards. Here comes my death.” (I don’t actually remember what I thought but my awesome pal decided that’s most likely what I thought. And it’s most likely true.)
Fortunately, I didn’t die. I don’t know how, but I survived. The first part. When you fall down the tube you are then inside of this MASSIVE bowl. I mean massive. And the water is swirling around it and you go around a few times until you reach the hole at the bottom that spits you into a pool at like 200 miles per hour. So I was safe yet. As we came out of the tunnel and into the bowl, I was joyous to find myself alive, but I had slipped a bit, so my bottom was touch the surface of the bowl. Great. Now I was gonna get sucked under the tube and run over and spit out alone. I frantically lifted myself to avoid such horrors and held myself like that till we were shot out of the bowl and we all fell off the tube and into the pool.
Now I was content to stay on the bottom level of the park. You know, hit the wave pool, the heated water maybe. If anyone suggested another trip up to the death ride, I was not in. So I spent the rest of my time there, in general safety. Until the next day…when I found myself at Cedar Point.
A park…full of rides that took you into the sky…and threw you back down at the ground. I was quite certain that I hadn’t died at the water park so I could die at Cedar Point. One of the first rides we went on was the Gemini. Now some of you may not think that one’s a big deal…but your wrong. That ride is rough man! It throws you from side to side like play dough! I’m pretty sure you can lose limbs on the ride if you stick them out. Pretty darn sure. On the rise I was like, “Uhm. Shouldn’t we be going down by now?” Cars in the parking lot were getting smaller. And that’s not even the highest one in the park. But I’m terrified of heights. I was freaking. out. I don’t know that I’ve ever been happier to put my feet in the ground than after that ride.
All in all though, it was fun. I was dumb enough to go on the craziest rides. Cause I wanted to keep my food in the confines of my stomach. I didn’t wanna have a heart attack going on The Dragster. The people who built that ride…..
What the crap is wrong with you?! It goes 120 miles per hour in like 3 seconds! And then…straight up like 400 feet. Straight. It’s not a gradual rise. It’s just like bam! Level with the ground-going to outer space! Then!!….at the top…you twist around…pause for a second…and straight. back. down. Whaa???? You think that’s a thrill??? Like…where…why…I mean…who…. o.O ….. And people LOVE it. ….. O.o ……
“Dude!!! Best ride ever! Let’s go again!! Hands up all the way this time!!”
._. Sorry peeps. Not this guy. This guy…wants to live.
So yeah. That’s my fear of heights. I’ve got plenty more stories on it, but I think I’ve already written like 3,000 words. So I’ll give ya’ll a break. Time to regain your composure from those terrifying tales. Or stop laughing at me. Haha. Gosh! This squiggly lines! Ya’ll is a word. Spell correct must have a blast in the south. Red lines in every sentence. Oh wait…that’s what happens in MY blog… and haha??? That’s laughing. Whatever man…whatever.